I am absolutely in love with the No More Wet Spot waterproof blanket. As most of you know, I am a squirter. I was sick and tired of having to mop up my mattress with towels and having to wash my sheets multiple times a week. The NMWS blanket has changed everything!
The No More Wet Spot blanket is made is 100% polyester. This makes it a very soft, washable fleece type blanket. The reason why it is waterproof is the finishing. While there are technically 3 layers, they are all fused together to make one thick, waterproof fabric (see below for a semi NSFW photo of the blanket in use!). To wash it, all you have to do is toss it in the washer and dry it on low, or hang dry it, like I did.
Since I am a projectile squirter, I decided to get to the largest version of this blanket. It’s a perfect size to fit over the entirety of my queen bed. This makes it the perfect addition to any play because you just toss it on the bed and not have to worry about placement. Your whole bed is covered!
I was actually a bit worried about this thing since I have heard about other companies who make waterproof blankets making theirs super rough, hard, or even tarp-like. I definitely didn’t want that. Must to my surprise, this was nothing like that. The NMWS blanket is SOOO soft. Also, because of the ‘waterproof-ness’, it’s fairly weighted, so I do admit to having used it as a weighted blanket during a couple of my naps.
The picture below is a testament to the blankets absorption. While that amount of liquid may not look like much, I can assure you, it was, and the blanket sucked it ALL up! I was thrilled. Plus, because if the material, it didn’t bunch up, or inch away, no mater how much I thrashed around.
For those of you who love to get messy, or just get messy naturally, like me, this blanket is a MUST for your collection. It comes in 3 different sizes and there are 3 different color combos, so you have an abundance of customization options. I am so happy that I have something now that helps me feel comfortable being a squirter.
You can get the No More Wet Spot Waterproof Blanket HERE and use the code RAVEN for 5% off!!
We all want to spice up our sex life once in a while, but sometimes we just don’t have the means to get super fancy. That’s why I’m writing this post. I want you to be able to have as much fun as possible, in and out of the bedroom, with your partner(s). I know there are loads of these types of posts out there, but it never hurts to have more options.
When you’re looking for new items to freshen things up, always be aware of safety. Make sure you’re not putting unsafe items into your body, or using items in a way that could injure you. For this reason, I am just going to list some of the objects that I have used in the past, and some safe ways of using said objects.
Ice cubes are REALLY fun for sensation play. Our bodies are naturally warm, so putting anything on them that immediately cools, will make for a wonderful feeling. On the body, you can run the ice cubes against the skin, or you can hold the ice cubes in your hand above your partner, letting the cold water drip on them. The latter never fails to get a really fun gasp out of me when the first drip hits my skin. For oral it’s pretty simple. Just hold the ice cube in your mouth before going to town on your partner. The ice cube will have cooled your tongue to be just different enough for an amazing feeling on the genitals.
Kitchen utensils work as a great introduction to impact play before investing in the more ‘normal’ or ‘kinkier’ toys. You can use silicone spatulas, wooden spoons, metal icing tool for cakes, etc. The options are pretty limitless. Just keep in mind safety, as I have mentioned before and will continue mentioning until I am blue in the face. Do your research. Figure out the safe zones on the body, especially when diving into any form of impact play.
Scarf, Neck Tie, Sleeping Mask, ETC
This category is very unspecific. You can use multiple items for multiple uses. You can use scarves, neck ties, a sleeping mask, or, hell, even a t shirt if you have one that is large and thin enough. Make a blindfold and play with different sensations, use a scarf or necktie to make some easy hand cuffs, the sky is the limit. There is no reason why you should need to purchase anything for these types of basic play. Plus it can be really sexy and fun.
Clothes pins are…very interesting. This is something that I would only recommend for the people who can handle a little bit of pain, because they’re not gentle. My favorite way of using clothes pins is on my nipples, but ever since I got actual nipple clamps, they haven’t seen much use. Some of the other, kinkier, uses for clothes pins could be full body clamping or labial pinching. Like I said, probably not for the vanilla players, but hey, you never know if something’s your kink until you try it.
I really wanted to add something to this list that wasn’t an object. Spanking doesn’t require anything except a little knowledge and your hand. You might think, why spanking? Well, for one, it’s really fun, and two, it’s a lot more complicated than one might think. There’s the basic spank of hand to ass cheek, but have you thought about changing it up a bit? Play with the way your fingers are spread out, learn the different areas that are safe to spank on and around the bum. There’s so much more to spanking than just the basic way you see in movies or even in porn (because lets be fair, some porn can be fairly vanilla, unless you know where to look).
I am not an expert in anything. These are just my opinions and my experiences. If you have any questions, please do your own research and ask the proper people. I am not responsible for any injury that may or may not occur in using the objects and items mentioned above.
This is one of the topics that I, unfortunately, know nothing about. Because of that, I reached out to fellow sex bloggers for the information. I was super grateful to @kelvinsparks_ for helping me out on this one!
So, put simply, a strap-on is a combination of a toy used for penetration (usually a dildo), and a harness to keep it attached to one person’s body. Strap-ons have existed for thousands of years- there’s evidence of them existing in Ancient Greece, and even as far back as the Upper Paleolithic. While they’ve historically had a reputation for being a toy exclusively for cisgender lesbians, strap-ons can be used by people of all genders, bodies, and sexual orientations for any number of reasons.
Anyone can wear a strap-on, and you can use a strap-on to penetrate a partner of any gender with any kind of body. You can use a strap-on for vaginal penetration, anal penetration, oral penetration, or even for manual sex. Plenty of cis straight men enjoy being anally penetrated by a cis female partner wearing a strap-on, transmasculine people of all orientations may enjoy using a strap-on for gender euphoria reasons, cisgender men may enjoy wearing one to offset difficulties with erectile dysfunction or to have double-penetrative sex, and transfeminine people may enjoy wearing one as a way to have penetrative sex without interacting directly with their genitals, or to offset the difficulties with erectile dysfunction that oestrogen hormone replacement therapy can cause.
A strap-on consists of two parts- the harness and the dildo- and while you can get “kits” that include both, it’s useful to discuss each separately. The dildo has a flared based, and the harness typically has an O shaped ring that the dildo can be threaded through.
Harness come in three general styles- three strap/jockstrap, two strap/thong, and underwear style harnesses. The three strap/jockstrap has loops around the waist and each leg, which allows for a lot of customisation of fit, leaves the wearer exposed for additional stimulation, and provides a lot of control. A two strap/thong style harness has one loop around the waist and one between the legs. While it doesn’t leave the wearer exposed some people enjoy the stimulation from the middle strap, and two strap harnesses still provide a reasonable amount of control. Finally, underwear style harnesses are designed to fit like a pair of normal underwear, and available in boxer brief styles or more feminine styles. They are easier to put on, as they’re strap free, but offer less support, so are less suited to larger or heavier dildos.
There are of course other styles of harness, such as boot harnesses, thigh harnesses, hand harnesses, or even harness masks. To make sure a harness fits properly, check both the size of your waist and hips, and the minimum and maximum diameter that the harness’ O-ring can accommodate. Some harnesses do have swappable O-rings, but either way you want the toy to fit in snugly without moving around.
When getting a dildo for your first strap-on, the best measurement to look at is girth, not length. The partner being penetrated doesn’t have to take the whole length of the dildo, but they will have to take the girth. You’ll lose a bit of the length from just wearing it in a harness, and having some excess length to play with will make positioning and thrusting easier to figure out. Fingers are a good way to figure out sizing- can the partner being penetrated comfortable take one, two, or three fingers? A whole fist? The diameter of however many they can comfortably take is a good indicator of the diameter of the right dildo for you. Make sure that the dildo diameter and base fit into your harness O-ring, and make sure that your dildo is made from a body safe material like silicone.
First things first, I’m not here to tell you what squirting is. A few minutes on Google will bring up so many websites that will tell you, in way more detail, what squirting is and different ways to do it. I am simply going to tell you about my life as a squirter and what that means, for me.
I’ve always been able to squirt and, to me, being a squirter means making a huge mess. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not it’s actually pee (which it totally isn’t…I think), I’ve been worshiped for it, and mocked for it. Needless to say, I have a mixed history with with squirting. I also feel like I squirt…weird. Almost every single website about ‘how to squirt’ makes it seem like it’s only a g-spot thing. That isn’t the case with me. I ONLY squirt from clitoral orgasms.
I recently posted a blog about my lack of orgasm. I am still (sort of) unsure about why I have such a hard time. I deduced that mental illness and medications may be mostly to blame, but I didn’t want that to just be the end of it. I kept experimenting and really trying to understand my body more. After a few weeks of that, I had the realization that sometimes I lose my orgasm because am a squirter. Not in the ‘I’ve squirted a little a few times’ kind of way, but in the way that, for me, is actually sort of embarrassing. I make a huge mess and knowing that prevents me from fully letting go.
I’ve only squirted with a couple of my partners (mostly because I was faking almost all my orgasms from go to 20, but that’s a story for another time). The first time I squirted in front of someone and not just by myself, the look on their face was pure joy. I still don’t understand why since it’s so normal for me and I had seen it so many times in porn. I thought ‘isn’t this what everyone does?’. Oh boy was I wrong. I got an ear full after that.
Unfortunately, I learned that being a squirter isn’t always such a magical thing. At one point I squirted so hard there was HUGE spot of the bed covered in it. I was so surprised at the amount that I texted my boyfriend at the time with a photo. His response was “I hope you’re cleaning that up…”, which he meant as a joke, but I did not take it that way. I was so insecure about the fact that it happens that I didn’t do it again for months. I felt disgusting.
While that definitely left me with some scarring, I bounced back fairly quickly on the orgasm front. I learned new ways to have orgasms that didn’t involve squirting and, even though it was definitely difficult to control something that comes naturally to me, I managed, until recently.
Ever since I figured that out, and become ok with it, I’ve been able to have way more orgasms. Yes, I mess up the sheets almost every time I come, but I don’t always have that mental wall blocking me. If you need to squirt, fucking squirt. While some people may not like it (I suggest mentioning it before you get freaky with someone), anyone who makes you feel like shit about it doesn’t deserve your come all over them.
My advice to anyone who wants to squirt is experiment with yourself, let yourself go, and invest in some amazing clean up towels, which I will be doing a review for later on. There is more than one way to squirt and you need to find your way, and if you can’t, don’t worry, not everyone can. The hardest part about accepting this about myself is that it needs to happen. If I don’t squirt once in a while, my body literally starts rejecting my orgasms. It’s great…
I have said this so many times, especially when it comes to sex and kink, there is no such thing as normal. Normal is whatever you want it to be. If you’re married with 3 kids, ‘normal’ might be once a month. If you’re newly dating someone you find insanely attractive, ‘normal’ might be once per day. That isn’t including SO many other factors that come into play. The most important thing is any relationship is communication. Only you can know what you need and what works for you.
Because this is such a common question, I really wanted to get other peoples opinions and advice on it. I reached out to Korppi King and Kaja Echo to help me put into words what a ‘normal’ sex life might look like. Read what these awesome humans have to say about it below!
This is not an easy question to answer, because there really isn’t a right answer. How much sex is normal to someone depends entirely upon the person, their partners, and even elements of their environment and upbringing. Despite the repetition of sexual standards in magazines, movies, and sitcoms, sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. Sure, books and magazines will tell you that a married couple should be having sex at least three times a week, and you’ll hear people say that you should have at least three orgasms a day, but, in reality, it’s difficult to say how much is too little, just enough or too much without taking individuality into account. Sex and how often you have it is a question of complex, personal, and dynamic rhythms and desires that you can’t really quantify with an easy answer.
Sexual appetite varies from person to person, as does our need for sex within a relationship (if, in fact, that’s how you’re choosing to have sex). Some people need sex. Some people don’t. Some people don’t like sex physically, but may feel attraction to other people. Some people don’t feel sexual attraction or desire, but may or may not enjoy the physical sensations associated with sex. And taking our masturbation habits and our nuanced definitions of the word “sex” into consideration only muddies the situation further. Do we count masturbation in our measurement of our appetite for sex? Or do we count only the acts we perform with other people? In that case, where do we draw the line—mutual masturbation, hand jobs, cunnilingus, or just penetrative sex? No matter how we define and measure sex, the answer will still be different for everyone. Just look at the sexual appetites in my own house, for example. I usually want or need to have sex every other day if not once a day. Sometimes more often. Of my two partners, one needs to have sex about five times a week and the other (typically) wants or needs it much less often. None of us is right or wrong. There’s not really a baseline from which any of us deviates. We’re all just different from each other in how much sex we want.
Environmental, emotional, physical and mental changes can also impact our sex lives. Whether it’s a change in our diet or daily routine or a psychological event or change, our sexual appetites respond to fluctuations in and around us. Some people, for example, respond to depression and anxiety by shutting down their sexual systems. Some people have the completely opposite reaction. Even if we don’t realize it, our health, self image, energy level and mindset plays a big part in how aroused and arousing we feel. And so do changes in around relationships or in our routines with each other. I can’t tell you how much my libido spiked when one of my partners and I took ballroom dance classed together—nor can I try to explain how little sexual energy I felt when the same partner and I went to a tantric sex workshop just a month later. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense—and maybe it’s a change we don’t even notice—but it impacts our sex life and temporarily changes our definition of normal.
Simply put, there is no normal. Not for everyone. Instead of asking yourself how much sex is normal, try asking “How much sex is healthy and comfortable for me?” Ask yourself first if your needs are met and if you are comfortable and satisfied without the amount of sex you’re having. If the answer to those questions is yes, ask yourself if the amount of sex you have is hurting you, hurting someone else, or hampering your ability to function in the rest of your life at or above your functionality baseline. If the answer is no, it could be worth taking some time to reevaluate your sex attitudes and routines.
Most of us have deeply ingrained, socially reinforced ideas about how much and what kind of sex we should be having. Media of all kinds is constantly showing us imagery of happy couples boning for hours every single day of the week. We’re also told that if you want sex *too* much, there must be something wrong with you. It’s hard to navigate these images without the feeling that you’re coming up short in some way.
So what’s the “right” amount of sex to have? What is normal? If you do a Google search using the question posed, you’ll find millions of results and article after article about sexual desire and communication. Everyone has a different opinion and many of these opinions change from year to year.
The level of sexual desire one has will always vary! There is no “normal.” Strike that word from your vocabulary now. Whatever you enjoy safely and consensually is a-okay!
If you feel that you’re not having enough sex, take an inventory of how you’re feeling overall. Have you been sick recently or do you have a chronic illness or disability that makes having sex less than optimal for you at times? Are you stressed about things going on at work or at home? Maybe you’re just plain tired and not getting enough sleep. If you have a partner(s), how’s your relationship going? Are you feeling disconnected in any way? It might be a good time to do an emotional check-in with your partner about how you’re both feeling if you haven’t been getting it on recently. They might also be experiencing a low sex drive or their own stresses or aches. Communicate your needs and see if that helps you get back on track.
If you feel that you’re having *too* much sex, well… you probably aren’t unless it’s distressing to you, you’re finding it difficult to accomplish other, non-sexual things, or it’s physically hurting you and/or your partner(s). If everything’s cool on those fronts, I say keep on having fun and don’t worry that you’re abnormal. You’re not. You just like a lot of sex!
I recommend some time and energy devoted to determining what amount of sex feels right to you. Do some journaling; make some notes about your own desire. How much sex feels healthy? Are there times when your drive is overwhelming? Are you worried about your lack of libido? What might stand in the way?
It’s also really important to ask these questions of yourself before communicating with your partner(s) about what you need and want. But I do highly recommend discussing these issues with your partner and checking in about what works for them.
All in all, dear reader, I hope you know that ideas of what’s “normal” shift over time and are based on social mores of whatever time we’re living in. The frequency with which most adults have sex now would probably be unheard of a hundred years ago. And a hundred years from now, it will be different again. As long as you’re staying safe and healthy and consensual, have as much or as little sex as you’d like. It’s ALL good!
*Unfortunately, after finishing this piece I found out that Korppi King is no longer on social media. If she ever decides to recreate her social media profiles, I will update this post with her new information!
This is an odd little thing. I have said before (I think) that I am not a huge fan of g-spot toys, but every once in a while I am surprised. This is not one of those times. I used this toy only once and I knew immediately that I will never use it again.
The Play:Curve is made of a silky silicone with a really lovely metallic insert and an adorable little, leaf shaped, tail. A few other basics are that it is USB rechargeable, water proof, and has a decent battery life. After that, things get a little confusing. The website states that there are 25 different vibration settings, when there are only 12, which is described in the instruction booklet. Also, I’m still not even 5% sure how (if at all) I can charge the remote. Plus, the instructions say that you hold the power button for 3 seconds to turn it on, that is also not entirely true. You do have to hold the button for 3 seconds, but then you have to click it one more time to start the vibrations.
As for the actual vibrations, I was really disappointed. Not only do I have a hard time with g-spot toys, but I also have a HUGE problem with buzzy toys. This was both, so that’s really not good. It went in easy enough and the remote actually works when the Curve is inside me, but I couldn’t feel shit. I mean, I could feel something, and depending on the pattern or position I was in, I could definitely feel more, but still, a real let down. At some points, the buzz of the vibration completely disappeared.
In the end, this is really not the toy for me. The vibrations were awful and the instructions were really not useful in any stage of the test run. The most positive aspects of this toy are the color, the really lovely shape, and the price.
If you want to try this for yourself, you can get this product right HERE
I was sent the Bed Geek Play:Curve for free in exchange for my honest review. If you wish for me to review one or more of your products, contact me! I would love to hear from you!
I will admit, when I saw this for the first time, I was skeptical. I had no idea how I would use it or how it would feel, but those thoughts vanished within a few minutes of using this toy. It is one of the most unique products I have ever used. The roller end was such a wonderful surprise and the other, vibrating g-spot wand, was perfection.
The Reece and Rose Massage Roller is made out of body safe silicone and ABS plastic. This multi-functional toy is waterproof for use in the shower. It uses a USB charging cable with a insertable connector. It takes approximately 2 hours to be fully charged from dead and runs for about an hour and half depending on levels. The whole thing is about 9 inches long. The roller end is 3 inches wide and the insertable end is 1.5 inches wide, with an insertable length of approximately 4.5 inches.
The really unexpected part is that both ends run independently. One button on one side controls the vibrations in the roller and the button on the other side controls the vibrations in the insertable wand end. That’s what makes this toy so multi-functional. You can use it as a vibrating dildo, a clitoral vibe, an actual body massager, etc. The personal and couple uses are almost endless.
The insertable, vibrating wand end is gorgeous. It’s smooth and it curves just right. The area that the vibrations come from are almost perfectly lined up with most g-spots, so you’ll get the most out of it. The tip is also a softer, squishier silicone, which means that using it as a rumbly clitoral vibe isn’t out of the question.
The rolling end is where things get…interesting, and this is the only place where I have some issues. For some reason, I thought that the roller would be motorized, but it is not. There are the vibrations, but the rolling part itself needs to be manually rolled. This gets a little tricky when trying to use the rolling part as a clitoral massager because once the roller is settled on the clit, it pretty much just rocks in place with not much moving stimulation.
Fortunately, the issues are also the positives. The fact that the roller just rocks and vibrates doesn’t suck at all. The sensation is similar to a session of heavy petting. Not a lot of wiggly diddling going on. The roller sit firmly in between the outer labia while the massaging bumps spread the vibrations over the clitoris and the entire upper portion of the vulva.
I cannot praise this toy enough. The Reece and Rose Massage Roller gives you 2 clitoral type massagers, a body massager, AND an insertable g-spot wand. It’s one of the best, body safe, rechargeable, all-in-ones I’ve ever tried. I am seriously in love with this brand. If you haven’t read my previous reviews on the Reece and Rose products you can read them here and here!
You can get this product right HERE and use the code PNKSPCLM20 to get 20% off your order!
I was sent the Reece and Rose Massage Roller for free in exchange for my honest review. If you wish for me to review one or more of your products, contact me! I would love to hear from you!
The Le Wand was sent to me by MedAmour to try and review. I am so glad they did! I had never had a ‘real’ wand before receiving it, so to be able to try this magnificent creature was such a gift. At first glance my overall impression of this thing was ‘YIKES’. That remained my opinion until my second use. This thing is a monster. It’s big and bulky, but a beautiful take on the classic ‘Magic Wand’.
The Le Wand has 10 speeds and 20 patterns! That is a whole lot of usage from one toy. This thing has a flexible, silicone head which moves with your body. It is cordless, rechargeable with use in about 3 hours, and splash proof, which means you can wash it thoroughly, but don’t use it in the bathtub. Also, even though this beast is so huge, it’s surprisingly travel friendly. It has a lock and everything. Maybe don’t bring it in a carry on, but definitely pack it in your main suitcase.
Like I said, I said ‘Yikes’ the first time I saw this, turned it on, and used it. The first time I played with it I was so intimidated. It’s very heavy, it’s huge, and it’s REALLY loud. This thing sounds like a lawn mower or an electric scooter. There’s a reason why I call it ‘monster’ and ‘beast’. The head is 2.45 inches, the whole thing is over 13 inches long, and it weighs approximately 3.1 LBS. Not a gentle creature.
Besides the size, weight, and loudness, there aren’t that many negatives about the Le Wand. It’s like the BDSM of vibrators. It hurts so good. Since it’s heavy, it is somewhat painful to hold for extended periods of time. Plus, since the motor is so powerful, not only can it numb your clit in a matter of seconds, but it can also be ripped out of your hands due to the force of the vibrations.
Another pretty major negative, for me, was the size of the silicone head. The thing has a diameter of 2.45 inches. That’s a lot of stuff to squeeze between my larger lips. It would be great if I could be one of those people who could just sit on the thing and let it work, but alas, I am not. With it’s size, I had to spread and smoosh to get it to vibrate anything other than my fat lady bits.
The second time I used it, and after realizing that there are things like the Liberator Wanda to hold it for me, I actually had a grand old time. I found that the buzziness of the wand wasn’t nearly as intense on my clit when I used a good amount of lube. Yes, as per usual, it took me about 30 minutes to finally get off, but hey, the fact that I got off at all was an accomplishment. I honestly thought this would be too much for me, but it turned out great!
Another thing is that it is AMAZING as a body massager. It’s WONDERFUL. I have a lot of tension in my back and shoulders from being an artist, so this thing comes out all the time to work out my knots. I get why this was the popular vibrator of choice back in the day. It’s so multi functional!
As much as I have come to love this wand, I would love to try it’s baby sibling, the Le Wand Petite. I feel like overall, it would be a better toy for me and my every day life. The Le Wand though, is an immediate classic. It’s beautiful, sleek, and powerful. Definitely not for masturbatory beginners, but I would go so far as to say that it’s a must have in any bedroom for all it’s various other uses.
You can get this product right HERE and just search for ‘Le Wand’. Use PINKSPACELIME to receive $10 off your first order and free shipping on orders over $75!
I was sent the Le Wand Original for free by MedAmour in exchange for my honest review. If you wish for me to review one or more of your products, contact me! I would love to hear from you!
Question: How can I introduce toys into the bedroom?
Introducing toys in the bedroom can be a daunting experience, but it doesn’t have to be! Sex toys are fun, sexy, and the perfect way to try new things. Communication and honesty are key when trying anything new with a partner. There is no reason to fear a sex toy. Just make sure both parties are comfortable (and the toys in question are body safe!!).
Read what other sexperts have to say below!!
Toys can be such a fun way to enhance your sexual experience, solo or with a partner. If your partner is a little hesitant to try them, I recommend starting with a little bit of research – online and offline!
One way to gauge your partner’s interest in a particular toy is to periodically show them photos of toys that interest you. You can say, “This looks cool! Would you ever try something like this?” Or you can tell them specifically what you like about a toy: “I love the shape of this dildo” or “The silicone looks like it would feel so nice!” Sometimes I bookmark articles about toys I’d like to try and when our online conversation gets a little naughty, I’ll send him a link to a toy review and let him know how I’d like to use it on him or myself. Putting it in context allows your partner’s imagination to run wild.
A fun, flirty, and dirty date can be a shopping trip to find a toy to use together! I’ve found that trips to my local shop are educational in two ways. Browsing together inspires conversation and provides you with a safe, sex-positive space to explore. Many shops have a playful vibe and laughter can often inspire connection and help you drop your guard. You can also get help from the shop’s salesperson and learn about how to use a harness or perhaps what impact toys are best for beginning use. Have the salesperson show you how a vibrator works or which lubes they like. It’s all inspiration for when you get home…
Introducing something new into the bedroom can be a bit scary for some of us. Asking for what we desire makes us vulnerable. But as long as you and your partner are willing to communicate and negotiate, introducing toys into the bedroom can be a light-hearted, hot as fuck way to connect.
I get this question A LOT in my DMs. Everyone has their own backgrounds and experiences that shape their perspectives on sexuality and sexual expression. Some people are comfortable with the idea of exploring sex toys, and others are not. (It’s totally fine either way!) That said, if you are someone who is wanting to use sex toys with a partner, there are a few tips I have that can assist you in those conversations.
The #1 thing that I am going to recommend is just talking to your partner. This seems like an obvious one, but sometimes when people get nervous they forget the basics. Tell your partner about your fantasies involving toys. It isn’t always super easy discussing your desires and sexual wants, but it is important. Your needs matter. Your feelings matter. Your pleasure matters. Letting your partner know that you care about their feelings, but also letting them know where your head is at is super healthy and wonderful.
One of the next things I typically recommend for incorporating toys (after discussing it with your partner) is mutual masturbation. We’ve all heard of doing a sexy striptease, but have you heard of mutual masturbation? Think of it as your own private cam show. Often times, sex is rushed and the goal is to get to an orgasm suuuper fast. We don’t allow ourselves to connect in with our partners and see what their body is doing while they orgasm. Masturbating together gives you that opportunity. I can’t think of a single person who after seeing their partner getting themselves off thinks “wow. I feel like I am going to be replaced by their hands..” No. The thought is “Woah. That was hot. How can I recreate that? How can I give my partner that kind of pleasure?!”. (The answer is sex toys.)
From both professional and personal experience, I feel that often times the discomfort with the idea of sex toys comes from a place of fear. There is a common misconception that sex toys will “replace” a partner. For anyone who may be feeling this way, I have good news for you: In all the years I have been selling sex toys, I have never heard of anyone being replaced by a toy. In my personal opinion, if a relationship were to be ended by someone using a sex toy, the couple probably had some other deeper issues going on that they may not have been addressing. Either way, communication is key. Go have fun! Try something new! Access. That. Pleasure. Reach new heights and have some orgasms together 🙂
I’ve been waiting for this toy forever! It was actually one of the first toys I was sent, but because of a mix up in my apartments office, I didn’t get it until last week! Ugh! Before I knew I was getting this toy, I had never had a butt plug, but because of the mix up I ended up trying others first which sucks. I would have loved this plug to be my first.
The Tantus Perfect Plug is amazing for beginners! It’s made out of an ultra premium, body safe silicone and it’s only a single finger width wide (.75 in at widest point), so if you’re new to the world of butt plugs, this little thing should be ‘perfect’. Also, the base is slim instead of round, so it fits beautifully between your cheeks. That was a major upset for me when I tried my first plugs. They were heart shaped and hard, so I had a really tough time getting used to them.
This plug is also wonderfully long compared to other butt plugs. With an insertable length of 3.5 inches, I was easily able to insert it without any weird contortion like I had to do with my first set. The fact that I have a bit of anal training already made this thing super fun. It went in effortlessly and the bumps were super nice.
Wearing it around was so exhilarating. Whenever my hips would sway a little too much and my butt would jiggle, that’s when I could feel it the best. The slim base was so comfortable and sometimes I forgot I was wearing it….until I tried to sit down. That was an adventure. I’m still not used to wearing plugs anywhere besides the bedroom, so doing menial tasks around the house was interesting.
During penetration it was also pretty fun. My partner said that it definitely felt different but that it didn’t make my vagina nearly as tight as the other, more bulbous ones. For me, it felt best lying on my back versus doggy style since it was pinned between the bed and my partners penis with each thrust.
Overall, an amazing starter toy. It is the perfect width and length for beginners. Use with your favorite water based lube and you’re good to go!